As some of you may have noticed, I have been a bit absent lately. I try to get a blog post up each week, but with everything that I have had going on at the moment that hasn't been possible.
Have you ever felt so incredibly sad that the things that use to make you happy just don't cut it? Thats exactly how I have been feeling for the past 2 -3 months. Its hard to focus on anything when all you want to do is stay in bed and hide from the world.
When you have everything you have ever wanted, and your making all these amazing decisions that will define the rest of your life, Its a very exciting feeling. I was incredibly happy with everything. Then things started to fall apart.
When someone you love leaves you, it breaks you. When you have done everything in your power to make them happy and it isn't enough, you feel useless. When they turn to someone else for attention, you lose all self confidence.
I knew I needed to stay 100% focused on uni, so I pushed blogging aside. I was doing really well and I didn't want to lose that.
A lot of things lead to us breaking up. Some I understood, but others I just couldn't understand.
I made the decision that I needed some space and that we shouldn't talk for a little while. Although I so wanted to have him in my life even after everything that happened, It just wasn't good for me. Exams were coming up and I didn't need any more pain that what I was already going through.
Now that university has finished and I have a lot of free time I find myself thinking about everything that happened and its getting hard to stay distracted. Its so tempting to pick up the phone and call him. Thats why I need to start blogging again. Not only because I have loyal readers, but for myself. I need to drag myself out of the state that I am in.
I sometimes wake up and dread the day. It use to happen often, but it's slowly going away. Sometimes I wake up happy, other times not so much. I can usually turn myself around and focus on all of the good things. But when someone was your rock, the person you loved and wanted to spend all of your time with and then they hurt you so much that you don't think you will ever be ok it's very hard to get out of that head space.
I know I will be ok, I don't need anyone in my life to make me happy except myself. It just takes time.
Im writing this more for myself than anyone else. I feel that I need to get it out. Im sure some of you will appreciate me being honest, but I honestly wouldn't even care if no one reads this. Its just things I needed to get off my chest.
I am going to try my best to get at least one blog post up a week, maybe even two! I have so many ideas and I'm excited to get back into it!
I hope you guys don't mind a different side of me.
If you have ever gone through anything that has made you step away from something you loved, just know that it is ok. Sometimes life needs to be dealt with. It will still be there when your ready <3